Not A Good Week

For the past week I've been in deep depression and not painting at all. It hurts to even get up and move around. Most people don't understand this illiness and the darkness your in, the fog, the weight on your feet, the fatigue. I've got good help, support and medication, but still everyday is a struggle.I wish it would just go away. Lifting yourself up by positive thinking doesn't always work, actually the deeper you are the harder it is, but I try. I try everyday, for me, my family my work and my friends....Then the guilt comes, I'm not good enough, this is all my fault, why can't I be stronger that this, other people have "bad" days. What happens to our body that can make us so happy just to breathe, see the beautiy in clouds or birds or running water and the have all that sweeped away overnight? To a place that life it's self isn't even important, or family, or friends. I hope someday science can figure all this out.